"You better check yo self before you wreck yo self." - Ice Cube (1992)
Some good, old school rap advice...LOL :-)
Sometimes we miss the mark on why we are having our kids participate in sports in the first place. It's always good to reflect on that, remember why and apply it.
"When your child is done with sports and the “glory days” are over, what will be left? Will it be more than trophies and news clippings? Hopefully it will be a strong foundation of character that will keep growing as he or she does."
The article "How to Enjoy Watching Your Teens Play Sports" gives some thoughts on keeping perspective and outlining how you can frame conversations with your child/players to get the maximum benefit from their participation in sports.
Growing Leaders is an excellent coaching, parenting, & teaching resource that helps me develop insight into working with players. Please check out their website and material, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
Equal playing time rears its head over and over in youth sports. At what age or point in their development and in what competitions and areas of their sport lend itself to skewing more towards competition and less about development?
There are a lot of different opinions there so I am leaving that discussion alone. I'd rather talk to personal responsibility and what a player can do to "turn things around" for themselves.
Here is the original article that got me thinking. My comments are for the older player, say middle school and up.
These are the excerpts of the takeaways from the article above (for me at least)...
- Not everyone is going to get equal playing time.
- Not everyone is going to get an A on his or her test.
- Not everyone is going to get the same amount of stage time.
- Not everyone can be first chair in the band.
- Not everyone is going to be a starter.
- People earn these things by their performance.
Before you look towards a conversation with the coach...ask yourself (parent's should ask their kid)...
- When was the last time you have been to the gym to work on your skills?
- Have you been working in the weight room?
- Have you had a good attitude?
- Have you been working like a team player?
I'll add a few things...
- Did you choose to go to the movies with your friends instead of making a training session or hit the gym?
- Did you abandon your training regimen because of peer pressure or social activities?
- Do you even have a training regimen outside of team activities??? (You should!)
- Did you disregard advice given to you by your coaches regarding the work you needed to put in and expect things to change just because you want them to?
- Did you worry more about your plans that night than you did in the tactic being learned in training?
- Did you sit around playing XBox or Fortnite in your "off-season" (There is no "off-season")
- Do you feel entitled to playing time because of your grade/age? (Ex. Senior over Freshman)
- etc., etc., etc....you get the gist...IT'S ON YOU!
As a player, if you cannot check all the boxes to everything that would have led to your improvement as a player, then you haven't really earned the right to question your coach, have you?
You should embrace the adversity, obstacles and work (AKA The Grind) of becoming the best version of yourself, mentally, physically, and in relation to the skills and talents related to your chosen sport. It all boils down to having a growth mindset. (watch the growth mindset video)
Regardless of whether your efforts lead to increased playing time or not...focusing on what will produce change is much more effective than a Mom or Dad having a conversation with Coach. Short term and for the long haul...on and off the field. Embrace the grind, do the work and be great!
P.S. FYI...after say, 12 years old, a parent should not be having the conversation, at least at first, with the coach...the conversation should originate with the PLAYER. (Sorry "Lawnmower Parents"!) Parents should empower the player to speak with the coach.
